A toxic relationship is any relationship that is unfavorable to you or others. The foundations of any relationship, healthy or not, are most commonly established upon mutual admiration and respect, but can, in time, become remarkably unhealthy.
- Negative Energy:Negative Energy can come in two ways. First, it could be you not having anything good to say to your partner. We all complain to our friends about our partners, but if every word out of your mouth is something nasty about the one you supposedly love, you should take a look inward.
Second, it could be you just bring up past events when there’s an argument. No one wants to be reminded of their wrongdoings over and over again, so take notice if this is your go-to tactic for winning an argument.
Remember, you started dating your partner for a reason. There was something in them, whether it was their charming nature or outlook on life, that made you want to spend time with them. Try to get back to that instead of focusing on the negative. Try paying your partner a compliment and thanking them for the smaller things they do every day to make them feel more appreciated.
- You always display a selfish attitude:You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again — relationships are all about compromise. While it’s important to have your own hopes and dreams to share with your partner, your future goals should somewhat intersect. If you find you’re the one calling the shots and you’re expecting your partner to go along with your plans with no push-back, then you could be hurting your relationship.
- All your ex-boyfriends had the same complaints about you:You may notice patterns in your relationships — maybe you find yourself complaining about how all of your partners have treated you unfairly or how they all have the same annoying habits. While patterns are evident in your ex-partners, your exes may all have the same complaints about you, too.
Take some time to consider how your previous relationships ended. While excessive rumination can lead to unhealthy thoughts and depression, some research suggests this type of reflection can actually speed up the emotional healing process after a breakup. You’re also a lot more likely to recognize mistakes you tend to repeat.
- You never apologise:We’ve all been there — you’re in the midst of a heated argument with your significant other and you realize you’re dead wrong. The right thing to do in this situation is to gracefully step down from your throne and admit defeat. This doesn’t always happen, though, and that’s a problem.
According to Psychology Today, it’s important to remember being wrong isn’t a character flaw. Being right is far less superior than being an improved version of yourself. During times of conflict with your partner, stop to ask yourself if you’re speaking from a genuinely good place, or if you’re just trying to win the argument.
- You’re always in a relationship:If you’re already halfway into a new relationship when the last one just ended, you could be setting yourself up for failure. Hopping from one relationship to the next could be a sign you’re looking for the “perfect” companion, or that you have self-esteem issues. Dr. Sheldon H. Kardener, a psychiatrist specializing in couple’s therapy, tells the publication some people do this as a way to prove they’re still desirable. This is unhealthy, however, and won’t lead to lasting love.
- You get stonewall when you’re angry:All couples argue — it’s how you and your partner deal with the argument that’s really important. If you’re able to keep your cool when tempers flare, then you’re probably able to come to a civil conclusion pretty quickly. However, if you’re the type to stonewall during any sign of conflict — that is, walking out in the middle of a discussion, refusing to discuss the topic at hand, or dismissing what your partner has to say — then you could be the reason your relationships seemingly go nowhere.
Cooling down during an argument is one thing, but totally refusing to discuss important matters is quite another. According to GoodTherapy.org, stonewallers typically have problems with manipulation or control. Stonewalling is often used to regain the power of a situation, which can make your partner feel helpless and frustrated. This behavior can spell disaster.
- You often complain about your partner to your friends:When we have complaints about our partner, we usually head toward our phone to text our friends about the situation. While dishing to your pals about your troubles over a beer can be cathartic, be careful with this.
Repeatedly complaining to your friends about your partner is likely going to lead to a lot of negative feelings. You’ll also be shedding a negative light on what your friends and family think of your partner, which can result in uncomfortable situations later on.
Try taking note of how often you’re complaining to your friends, and what your frustrations are about. Think of your partner as a fly on the wall — if they overheard you, what would they think? You need to assess your needs, then address any areas that are lacking directly with your partner instead of explaining it to your friends.