GUEST COLUMNIST

Mummy G.O. and Nigeria’s flying carpet

By Prince Charles Dickson

“One mark of an intelligent person is the ability to  learn from people they don’t like” – SHANE PARRISH

So let me ask, do you know the indaboski bahose, the liquid metal, the lion himself; real names, Chukwuemeka Ohanaemere Odumeje, undoubtedly one of Nigeria’s most talked-about and most controversial spiritual figures around. I am not sure if he’s a comedian or a clergyman, but trust me, there are times I was sure he wasn’t okay.

However, I must apologise to this ‘great’ man of God to avert the wrath of hell by sentencing via Mummy G.O because now I know he is okay, or there are more that are in his corner such that, you and I are the ones who are not okay.

I am sure you read that paragraph well and noticed a Mummy G.O, which one be Mummy G.O again, kindly let me introduce her.

Fifty-one year-old Evangelist Funmilayo Adebayo is an Ogun State-born proselytised Christian and the founder of Rapture Proclaimer Evangelical Church of God. The controversial woman, well-known for her controversial teachings is Mummy G.O

She is currently the only woman I know that not only has been to hell, but claims she was an executive director there…amongst her many claims. She’s the gatekeeper of heaven and hell, knowing all that will go to hell by their actions. Her favourite phrase being; “…you are going to hell”.

Mummy G.O in one of her ‘messages’ had alluded to using a flying carpet to do drugs and killings for top Nigerian politicians, she claimed she had killed, was involved in gun running in her past…I was excited by her flying carpet part of the story, my face lit up as I pictured her in a Harry Potteresque magic series.

While I am a psychologist, and not a Psychiatrist and do not dabble, despite little learning in the field. I love expert opinions. So, I sent a few clips to my friend Dr Aisha, her first quick prognosis was delusion. She confirmed my earlier thoughts too, Mummy G.O had eclipsed the lion himself, but the truth is who in Nigeria is ‘okay’?, we all are suffering one form or the other of ‘kolo’.

Interestingly, I am not talking about Mummy G.O, but she and her flying carpet are an epiphany of some sort. I decided to take her flying carpet and to the past I flew. Timeline 1993, the event; presidential debate, participants now both late; MKO and Bashir Tofa. The debate was a sequel to what many regard as the freest and fairest of Nigerian elections (I do not agree though).

Seated in the studio that fateful day were characters that are still today players in our political space, both personae if told none of them would be president would have doubted but anyway, here is the reason why Nigerians won’t go to hell; on the contrary, we are in hell.

Between the NRC and SDP (the main political parties then), they could not agree on the implementation on SAP…According to Abiola, we were in situation of more money than products, we did not know how much we owed, we had to appoint Chase (a foreign bank) to come calculate how much we owed. When the records were in the Central Bank. He was promising farewell to poverty.

On the weak technology base of the economy, Alhaji Bashir said the problem was lack of good planning, he stated it was about education and matters of technology. We needed to plan education in a way we wanted to develop. He referred to 1979, when they had the Ministry of Science and Technology, but the army came and scrapped it and then put it back again. We were not sure what we wanted. He was of the opinion that our education from primary school had to be technology based. He wanted a priority for education funding which was poor and deplorable then, and education given it’s rightful place.

Education, according to MKO, needed to start again from scratch. And I ask today, what does not need to start from scratch, we are muting a GEJ return, we are discussing Tinubu, we are still battling the same demons.

With me on the flying carpet, I came back to reality, the entire nation is run without any recourse to a character, there is a deliberate act to weaken institutions, we discuss state creations, and abuse local government governance. Everybody is right, and as far as our biases are at the base, we throw away all our learnings. Even our understanding of the kind of federalism we want is as confusing as Mummy G.O and her picture of hell.

Those that want an Igbo presidency will go to hell, those that do not want a Muslim President will go to hell, those that want a Catholic Vice President or an Izala Senate President will go to hell. For politicians, it is about power. They do not have friendship or enemies but permanent interests, which is not that of the people. Power rotation negates merit, sadly like Mummy G.O we all know how Nigeria needs to be governed, but no one is taking up responsibility for responsible governance.

Like Mummy G.O, every Nigerian is either in hell, or has to create a semblance of his/her own heaven. Today our roads are hellish, either for want of rehabilitation or due to insecurity, a youthful population is hellish because the future when looked at via a flying carpet is bleak, our health system is hellish, such that people now are all herbal experts, in a nation that cannot lay claim to being a glorified chemists as we do not really wholly produce even Panadol.

Our sports sector is in hell. We chase the worst and replace with the worst, our judiciary is hellfire, with strikes every other quarter and only political cases dispensed off in speedy manner as innocent citizens are left in hell called prisons awaiting trial. Do you know the number of jailbreaks, attempted and successful? It speaks to how hellish our hell is, yet our political hallelujah boys tell us that Nigeria has never had it so good.

We seek knowledge of the past; we desire wisdom for the future. In the flying carpet of the Nigerian conversation, everything changes and stays the same, today it is Mummy G.O, yesterday it was the Lion himself. The only constant is that we are in hell, and until we resolve to become accountable, let go of ethnic and religious jingoism, address concerns of our poor infrastructure and leadership deficit, hell is Nigeria, Nigeria is hell, for how long? Only time will tell.

*Prince Dickson, is a peace practitioner and policy analyst.

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