By Adetunji Ayobrown
Some say it should have been an issue between two consenting adults while some others disagreed and said whatever is done under duress of any form is a nullity.
Relationship between man and woman was the very first thing that happened immediately the woman was created after man’s creation and it had continued till date and will continues after us all in as much as animals continue to exit on this planet…but how do you describe an in-appropriate relationship with the opposite sex or even the same sex (as it is in some maligned developed countries).
There are different relationship types a man can have with a woman ranging from formal friendship where, a man and a woman have no sexual or romantic feelings towards each other. They exchange greetings, have short conversations and generally stay out of each other’s lives. Formal friendship often occurs in schools, work places, neighbourhoods and online.
Beneficial friendship is an extended version of formal friendship where the man and woman obtain simple benefits like visits, favours, gifts and phone calls from each other.
While exclusive romantic relationship like we know and thanks to films and romantic novels, this is the most popular type, where a man and woman agree to date. Numerous benefits; including expensive gifts, frequent dates, lengthy visits, passionate feelings and sex to crown it all are obtained here. People say it is friendship with benefits.
Open romantic relationship is a variation of exclusive romance; an open romance means dating more than one person at a time. A lot of single men and women are involved in this type of relationship, even though most of their partners are not aware of it. Many exclusive romantic relationships eventually end up as open romances.
Sexual relationship is where sex is the primary basis of this relationship. The man and woman may or may not be close friends. They may never exchange visits, gifts, or even phone calls. They just focus on satisfying their sexual urge and needs.
While the commercial sexual relationship is just a simple money-for-hand-back-for-ground arrangement…and no story, a man pays a woman for sex (or a woman pays a man for sex). Prostitution, otherwise known as commercial sex, is the most recognisable offshoot of this relationship. In a milder form, the man does the woman a favour in exchange for sex.
But for marriage, it is probably the only type of relationship endorsed by our religious, traditional and legal authorities. In marriage, a man and a woman agree to spend the rest of their lives together. Most of the benefits of exclusive romance obtain here too.
The last and not the least divorce/separation occur in the failure of a marriage, friendship or romance which leads to this relationship. Some couples stop talking to each other, others continue a formal or beneficial friendship; while a few others continue to have sexual relationships.
And finally, the interim report submitted to the Vice Chancellor, Professor Eyitope Ogunbodede, has proved beyond any reasonable doubt that Professor Richard I. Akindele, of the Department of Management and Accounting, established to be the lecturer in the controversial “marks for sex” audio recording, while the female voice has also been identified as that of Miss Monica Osetobe Osagie, a Postgraduate Student on the Master of Business Administration Regular programme.
The Governing Council of Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU) as a result has dismissed Prof. Akindele from the services of the University for gross misconduct, but people think the matter should at least be put to rest but the reverse is the case.
Although the Investigative Committee claimed to have invited both the Professor and Miss Osagie, but only Professor Akindele appeared before the Committee, while Miss Osagie is yet to appear or make any representation. The report indicated that many other witnesses appeared before the Committee and gave useful evidences that made the Council to conclude that Professor Akindele had an inappropriate relationship with one of his students, Miss Monica Osagie; a claim the guilty admitted.
What is the basis for relationship between a man and a woman, beyond sex and family? A question that generated heated arguments between friends on social media and chat groups. Many were truthful aligned with the fact that we are all culprit at one time or the other, we’re all tempted towards such. But while they hide their sins, their friends and people who know their antecedents come up to counter their claims…whichever side you are, I strongly believed that good lesson(s) are learnt that may serve as guide for whoever might want to ventured into such… a friend said it’s better to know the rules before breaking them.
But any interpersonal relationship between man and woman or same sex partners, should be based upon a deep connection that gradually develops over time spent together in understanding each other through words and emotions of any kind.
There are even cases where some prefer minor and under-aged girls (even boys in some special cases), but they still assume they aren’t doing anything wrong, while forgetting that mutual consent is a must in any relationship, especially sexual relationships. But let us analyse the scenario in OAU.
Concerning Prof Akindele and Miss Monica saga, some analysts argued that it is every man’s daily dose that must be swallowed if we must relate with our species and relate well with other species …because no one is an island, our lives are interwoven. But expert advises are needed if you ask me, which has to do with description, meaning and explanation on some of these listed relations that exists between man and a woman for instance, office sexual relationship, student-lecturer sexual relationship, neighbour-neighbour sexual relationship, trader-customer sexual relationships.
But for space constraints, I will only want to duel on just two of these listed and leave the rest for another discussion.
The office relationship, a sexual relationship that may involved the boss and staff or staff-staff (of same rank) done under any pretence within office space and hour. This is happening in many offices, banks organisations (political, religious) and corporate offices. Yes, people said it is part of the tricks the mother-nature is playing on us all to make us enjoy our lives.
I won’t blame the professor, the student-lecturer relationship should have just persist but like Faraday, the professor went further to ask for ‘more’ like Oliver Twist, something that should have be done with Miss Monica’s consent instead of coming under duress, rather sad.
Some friends argued that both are adults, but giving or taking something in return for another, when not authorised is the subject here…human factor.
Neighbour to neighbour sexual relationship saga had ruined many marriages directly or indirectly, especially in face-to-face rooms and apartments as many quarrels had led or degenerated to deaths of what supposed be just a flirt.
Seller-customer relationship can be classified as the mother of all because we are all seller or buyer of one good and services or the other, as this world is a market where all are here for one business transaction or the other …life goes on.
People sell, people buy, and people are ready to buy more of what are displayed, this I was told of a terrible episode or called relationship that almost lead one of the actors to death. It was an affair between a drycleaner’s wife and randy Mr. J. This interesting but deadly affair occurred between two supposed consenting adults but for the husband’s net that caught ‘fishes all alive’ almost got him red-handed. …you can imagine what would have been the results of such ugly but great encounter between owner and the thief on a good afternoon.
It may sound like a fiction from Hollywood, Nollywood or any world class movie industry but i can assure you that Mr. J almost lost his life because it took the intervention of the elders to calm the husband’s nerves because he was hell-bent on dealing appropriately and decisively with Mr J who lied that he wanted gators on his clothes, the Gator, who fled when challenged by the husband and used high-tech grass to cover his milliseconds speed tracks, as he crossed the ever busy Asa-Dam Road to escape been lynched by the fierce and angry looking Indian-hemp smoking husband …all thanks to his star, as it was a case of every dogs has its day, he escaped without any scratch.
That was the genesis of gator within my circle and friends which has little difference in meaning. But for the drycleaner’s family, their lives never remain the same again. We call that a good example of a bad example.
But as for the OAU Professor, it is like all he ever worked for have been lost just because he was unable to differentiate between edible snakes from others, gbogbo ejo ko ni jije …a lesson he paid dearly for with no option of fine. Oh My God! I don’t know what to call this …may be, we should say it’s a good example of a bad example or bad example of a good example. What a pity!
I think this will serve as deterrent to those who want to gator other people’s wives.
