From lifeless to cloned Buhari, Oh! Nigeria

WITH AYOBROWN ADETUNJI

Imagine! Sudan Jubril turns Buhari, Oh! Nigeria
Truly, no drama in normal, Oh! Nigeria
Can normal men spit on hands? Oh! Nigeria
Don’t ask me, ask Nobel laureate, Oh! Nigeria
Take stolen identity serious; according to Prof, Oh! Nigeria
Buhari don’t lie, but now, Oh! Nigeria
Maybe some knew more than necessary, oh! Nigeria
Even Trump; Buhari is lifeless, oh! Nigeria
From lifeless to Cloned Buhari, Oh! Nigeria
Real news sounds like fake, Oh! Nigeria
To Africans it sounds Nigerians’ scam, Oh! Nigeria
But what lies beneath? Oh! Nigeria
In this civilised world nko? Oh! Nigeria
Secret can’t be kept 4ever, Oh! Nigeria
If you hide your real character, Oh! Nigeria
You reveal it by hiding it, Oh! Nigeria
Don’t forget action and reactions are in opposition, Oh! Nigeria
We don’t want what’s possible, Oh! Nigeria
We want the truth, Oh! Nigeria
Remember, everyone admires the bold, Oh! Nigeria
But no one honours the timid, Oh! Nigeria
–    Ayobrown

I can’t just stop pondering and wondering if there are still few men who will stop laughing and stand up and be ready to called ‘proud Nigerians’. Because, it seems people are no longer bothered but minding their businesses, unbelievable! we all turn ‘what about it?’ attitude towards Nigeria’s image.
Many excused themselves, saying they don’t know what to believe anymore…after series of promise and failed, somersaulted government policies affecting their lives. I don’t blame them – government spokespersons are known for nothing but speaking with two sides of their mouths.
Now, the problem with a lie is that when you tell it often enough, you begin to believe it yourself, and worse still — other people begin to believe it too – common/general mistake and badwagon effect…my teacher’s thought during my secondary school days.
Some say the man in Aso Rock isn’t Buhari, but a body double, funny Nigeria; how did thou become this? We all first laughed off the Jubril from Sudan story when Kanu, IPOB leader first spun it over a year ago. But now, it appears the joke is firmly on us like unpleasant boil. As circulated and still trending, there are two sets of President Muhammadu Buhari pictures on the social media, convincing evidence and points as it shows one picture were that of the Nigerian leader, while the other set is definitely the ‘body double’ Kanu spoke about—Jubril from Sudan is now the occupier of Aso Rock! That you haven’t been off social media for a year is probably no excuse, you must have run into the ‘Jubril from Sudan’ theory on your feeds, whether on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and many other sources even in market women’s daily discussions.
Sudanese stage play actor, Jubril Aminu Al-Sudani, notion of a cloned President Muhammadu Buhari has again become the topic of discussion on many local and international live TV programmes. Though, Buhari did tried to address the speculations in Kraków, Poland, while answering questions he said “a lot of people hoped that I died during my ill health. It is real me” …Buhari shows his muscle for everyone’s confirmation.
Oh! my goodness, it has now turned international ridicule, how do you see this, Buhari ‘Clone’ mocked by South African comedian, was a tweet from a Nigerian living in the southern part of this continent.  He tagged me on ‘the Daily Show airs on Comedy Central and is anchored by Trevor Noah, a South African comedian. The clip published on sometimes this month entitled: ‘The Seven-Year-Old Millionaire, Tumblr’s Porn Ban & Racist Christmas Trees’, Michael Kosta who spoke during the show started with “the President of Nigeria is having an identity crisis”.
After a clip showing the tweets where Buhari responded to the “ignorant rumours”, Kosta continued: “Even Nigeria’s real news sounds like Nigerians’ scam emails” then went into an accent that attempted to mock Buhari.
“We’re supposed to believe he’s not a clone but I don’t know, because if you know, the CIA did have the technology, they are gonna test it on an African first. You don’t just try that out on rich, white people. The CIA Chief is gonna be like ‘This might not work the first time, so find me someone who doesn’t matter. The president of Nigeria? Yes, that’s perfect’,” Kosta affirmed.
Noah was also present but mute during the show, as he had earlier said Kosta would be his voice for the show, having lost his ability to speak in undisclosed circumstances.
He then became the subject of a joke on the matter during an episode of the Jimmy Kimmel Live show, an abridged recording of which was made public on Tuesday. In an abridged version of another comedy show, which went viral on Thursday, the subject also came up for discussion. Only god knows how many such international ridicule will visited our dear nation.
You don’t know what to believe; your fate is a good as mine, laws are dead letters without court to expound and define their true meaning and operation. To believe that there is a Jubril from Sudan anywhere near the presidency is to glory in the world of idiotic hallucination, Sci-Fi and hare-brained fiction, many are of this opinion. We need to really get serious as a country and focus on the socio-economic issues that really matter. Jubril from Sudan ko, Gawat from Somalia ni! – a friend tweeted.
While some are pointing at Buhari’s wrinkled hand in a photo, another, relatively Jubril smooth pair of palms in the another.
Many are comparing Buhari’s chiselled jaw and different camera angles, pointing at how he signed on a piece of paper with a right fist on one picture and how he used a left fist on the other (no one could convince them that one picture was reversed to further support exactly the kind of agenda they were really promoting here with glee).
So, there you have it…a tale initially told by someone who many think was looking for all the cheap popularity and propaganda he could muster to drum up more support for himself, fire up his base and further his agenda, has become mainstream—discussed at pubs by the elite, discussed at editorial meetings by journalists, discussed in hushed tones by church folks, trumpeted in commercial buses by chaps looking for idle talk to endure traffic and analyzed by ‘charge and bail’ video editors, pundits and photographers alike.
While some believe there is something not quite right with the president’s look, others said to believe it is to doubt own existence…. the notion that Buhari is being represented at the presidential villa and in his bedroom by a mythical and fictional Jubril from God-knows-where is pure and unadulterated baloney!
Prof. Soyinka speaking while addressing the audience at the 70th anniversary of human rights and worldwide reading for press freedom in memory of Jamal Khashoggi which was held at Freedom Park, Lagos, stressed the need to take the issue of stolen identity serious…though, he was careful not to say whether he believed the clone reports or not, Professor Soyinka said “recently, we had a situation in Nigeria and that is the issue of cloning President Muhammadu Buhari. We have people who have taken that issue seriously.
What other option do we have to believe; Poland appears to be the centre for Nigerians settlers with stolen identity”, cloning is a possible possibility. After all, Soyinka confirmed that he was a victim.
Buhari fluency in Fufude the Fulani language is a must, since he refused to give a single formal press interview to Nigerian journalists and on our soil for the last two years. And if truly, it was a coincidence that Haibu Almu, the Nigerian Consul-General to the Sudan and NIA agent that allegedly discovered Jubril Aminu Al Sudani and proposed him as a credible and convincing body-double for the ailing Buhari in 2016, was suddenly knifed to death in Khartoum in May 2018 just a few weeks after his alleged role in the whole sordid “body-double” saga was made public.
Nigerians urged Buhari to hold a two-hour interactive no-holds barred live media chat on national television to counter the claim. Also to call out Eric Stuart Joyce, the former Brirish MP, former Army officer and former MI6 agent, for declaring him dead sometime in 2017 and remove his hat to have his hair examined. You can imagine, even measurement of his ears and inspect its earlobes. Explanation on how he is now a good deal shorter in height than he was two years ago is a must, as requested…funny indeed.
*Ayobrown, Senior System Analyst, National Pilot Newspaper, writes via aayobrown@gmail.com