By Revd Dr. idowu Ibitoye
Absence of integrity shall produce infidelity in marriage
Infidelity is the act of a husband wife not faithful to each other; by this the couple may be having sexual affairs outside their matrimonial homes or engaging in other extra marital affairs outside the matrimonial home. Infidelity is also lack of loyalty and unfaithfulness especially to one’s marriage partner. Infidelity is rampart in contemporary times, couples must be faithful to their marital vows and covenant.
Recent statistic have shown that 60% of men and 40% of women have extramarital affairs. Researches also indicated that 75% of married men and 65% of married women admitted that they usually have sex with their work partners. This is pathetic and alarming, requiring pastors, church leaders and evangelists to always preach and teach about sexual purity, because knowledge of the word of God that can “Keep you from neighbor’s wife, from the smooth talk of a wayward woman. Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife preys on your very life . ..But a man who commits adultery has no sense, whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away” Prov. 6:24-26., 32-33.
The evil effects of adultery include:
- a) Spiritual death. Prov. 6:32; Rom. 8:12-13
- b) Physical death. Prov. 6:32; Lev. 20:10; Deut. 22:22.
- c) Eternal death in hell. Prov. 6:32; I Cor. 6:9-10; Gal. 5:19-21; Rev. 21:8; 22:15
- d) Dishonor – This will result to shame and disgrace. Prov. 6:33-25
- e) Lasting reproach (Prov. 6:33).
Possible solutions to infidelity
- Unconditional love – Couples should always demonstrate unconditional love to each other. Cf. I Cor. 13:4-7; I Jh. 4:18; II Tim. 1:7. Jesus Christ demonstrated agape love to mankind by laying down His life for us. Couples should practice this type of love towards each other.
- Regular encouragement – This life is full of challenges and troubles which is faced every day. The home should be a heaven on earth, a blissful place for couple, and a place of succor for spouses. Both husband and wife should keep encourage themselves whenever challenges arises Cf. Jn. 16:33; Isa. 41:10.
iii. Affirmation – This is a process of public declaration bythe couples affirming that the partner is true, honest and confirming the support in a strong term. Couple must speak good about themselves in public. Spouses must celebrate their partners in the public arena.
- Emotional intimacy – Couples must understand themselves, they must be together when they are happy and when they are not. Emotion is a state of feeling and a conscious mental reaction, such as anger or fear, expression of love and care. Couples must understand this in their relationship and stay connected to each other. If nobody understands your spouse’s emotion, you must!
- Spiritual intimacy – Couples must always pray and serve God together. They must have quality time of studying the Bible and meditating together. They must understand when God is speaking to them. Spiritual intimacy will help physical relationship to last a life time.
- Companionship- One of the purposes of marriage as it is always read during solemnisation of Holy matrimony is companionship. “The Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him” Gen. 2:18. Couples are helpers suitable to each other, intellectually, morally and physically. They should make the journey of life together, record successes and failures together, correct and build each other in love and be blessings to their generation.
vii. Sexual Intimacy – Sex is a wide subject in marriage, it can make or mar a marriage. Couples must always be intimate sexually and never deny themselves of this union, “… each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband, the husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband” I Cor. 7:2-3. Couples should always engage in this God-given holy activity, they can only refrain during prayer or when a partner is not strong enough.
Integrity in Christian homes should result into self-discipline, mutual trust and a decision to be relentlessly honest in all situations to each other. I conclude this write-up with the words of Billy Graham who says “integrity is the glue that holds our way of life together”, couples must constantly strive to keep their integrity intact.